412. Poem: Louie and the Academic Tradition

I need to tell you that though both Louie and I still think in street-fight language (since we were both Chicago street fighters) Louie sometimes speaks it and you never know when it's going to come out like yesterday at the faculty-training session this vice-president tells us not to say “I believe the most qualified person should get the job” because it could be offensive and Louie right next to me jumps up and says, "WHA-A-A-T?  Are you out of your..." and he came as close to saying "fucking mind" as I ever saw a full professor come at a provost's meeting all he got was as far as the fricative and then he just said after a hitch "mind" and all of us who were thinking "fucking mind" said "whew" but it wasn't over because Louie who though he was like me just a GI Bill nouveau he had absorbed his Robert Hutchins (one of us Chicago guys) and believed in Great Books and Western Civilization as passionately as any of those New York guys those nouveaus (Jews) like Lionel Trilling so when this vice president who had gotten a Ph.D in academic administration learning how to do advanced group dynamics with profs says don't give voice to this belief Louie says you don't know who the hell you are talking to brother (some thought he said buster) and then I mean you don't know what you are telling me you are telling me that I can't argue out an important issue with Pete and Margaret I can't lay out my belief and they can't attack it and that's what we academics do in the tradition that's come down from Socrates brother (some were sure he said buster here) and it's called the academic tradition and I saw the vice-president turning white and Louie turning red and I thought oh-oh here we go and I started pulling on his pants but I couldn't stop him he said academic tradition academic tradition you don't understand it but maybe you can understand this and he slammed his finger at him with each word YOU...KEEP...YOUR...HANDS...OFF...WHAT WE'RE DOING...and it might have been OK if he had stopped there and maybe still OK if he had stopped after saying YOU'RE ITS GODDAM SERVANT NOT ITS BOSS even with the goddam but no not Louie he has to go on calling him a servant of pussycats, gah dam pussycats (who I want to know is going to pick up the Thurber reference?) pussycats with a chance to be bullies, while I'm damn near pulling his pants off but we don't get him in his seat until Fred gets a hand on him and then when he calms down what does Louie do he looks around like he expects applause like from his buddies in the alley what are you going to do with a prof like that?