231. How to Talk to a Conspiracy Theorist

 

First, never say anything to a conspiracy theorist about the theory itself.  You are an academic, a scientist, and you don't pronounce on anything without examining it.  So you say, "I haven't looked into it."

Your excuse (and you need one; scientists are supposed to be curious) is that you are pressed for time and have to trust others to filter out theories worth looking into.  In this case you say, "I trust the mainstream American newspapers."

Your defense (and you need one; scientists are supposed to draw only on reliable sources) is that mainstream American newspapers are more reliable filters than any source you can turn to.  You regard an American journalist as a scientist pressed for time.  But remember, you are asking American newspapers only to tell you whether or not to take the theory seriously, not to tell you whether or not it is sound.

Your argument (and you need one; you have named the people who, by ignoring their theorizing, have gotten these theorists called "conspiracy" theorists) is that those who write for mainstream American newspapers are in competition with each other, and are as eager to get ahead as scientists, and are as alert to each other's lapses, while the sources the theorists rely on are in harmony with each other, and ignore each other's lapses.  You believe that judgment tested in competition is more reliable than judgment free of such testing.

Your purpose is to leave open the possibility that the conspiracy theory is true (a scientist never closes the door to new evidence and alternate theories) while avoiding commitment to investigation and even discussion. 

Your chief enemy is your own conscience as a scientist.  You feel uncomfortable showing indifference to offered evidence of a world-changing truth, and trusting non-academics to support that indifference.  You feel guilty turning away from people that look up to you.  But trust me.  If you value ordinary life you don't want to open yourself up to the extraordinary effort examination of a conspiracy theory will require, not if it's anything like the currently popular ones.   There's no end to what's on the Zapruder film, or in the Tower debris, or at the Roswell site.

Maybe, though, the best defense is to get people to stop looking up to you.  Change your identity.  Pull Error Philosophy on them.  Say, "Look, I'm not really a scientist.  I'm just a time-pressed wonk getting through life by making the best hunches he can.  My hunch that the Times and the Post have the right slant on this has taken me this far and since there's not a whole lot of good ordinary life left I think I'll just stick with them."